Five Times It's an Accident, and One Time It's On Purpose
by RainInLondon
Summary: Five times Tony Stark and Steve Rogers find themselves in an awkward position and one time, they do it on purpose. Complete.


Author's Note: Hiiii guys. This is my first Stony one-shot fic, and I really hope you like it. Remember: reviews are like coffee so keep 'em coming!

The First Time:

"Aah!"

"I-Tony, I swear I-"

"Cap, what're you-"

"-I did not see you there, I was just-"

"-Get off me, you weigh so much-"

"-I'm really, really sorry-"

"-Cap, your muscles are crushing me-"

"-because Barton said that you needed help and-"

"-why do you keep that shield around with you when we're at home-"

"-and Barton insisted that I should be the one to help so-"

"-wait. Barton?"

"Yeah…"

"He told you to come?"

"Yeah…"

"...Cap."

"Tony?"

"We've been played."

The Second Time:

"Tasha! Tasha, I think I've found them. Footsteps at least. They're leading to this door, and I'm going in as we speak, so-"

"-Clint. Be careful. Scan for traps, and whatever you do, don't step on those sticky gooey stuff." Natasha was still unsure about the goo, and she didn't know what to call it. This time, the villain had been different. Unique. His weapon? Goo. So sticky that it took forever to get it off. Even a gun, let alone a knife, couldn't penetrate it. Tony had scoffed, saying that the bad guy this time was an amatuer. Funny how he got taken down first. Steve had gone after him and disappeared.

"Holy motherfucking piece of shit," swore Clint.

Natasha took off running to the building, despite Fury's orders. "Clint! Status report."

"I'm fine, but.." a hysterical giggle bubbled up from Clint. "It seems like Iron Man and Captain America are in a bit of a...predicament."

Furrowing her brows, Natasha spoke into her comm. "I'm going after you."

"Bring a camera, Tasha. This is first class blackmail."

Even more bewildered, Natasha sped faster until she caught sight of a familiar, rumpled blonde. He was doubled over, shaking so hard that Natasha feared he had a seizure. However, as she approached him, Natasha realized he was laughing. Peering over his shoulder, Natasha froze at the sight.

The good ol' fashioned Captain America was stuck on top of Iron Man. Suit nearly battered, Tony's face was visible, and both men were blushing hard.

Their comms had goo stuck to it, and so did their suits. Natasha swore in Russian. "Bruce? How long does this goo wear off?"

"About a day at least. Why?" Bruce's voice was cautious. "Is it Tony? Is he…?"

"No," swallowed Natasha. "Just...remain calm. I…" she took a deep breath. "They're stuck. On top of each other."

"...oh."

Clint fell to the floor, laughing and tears running down his cheeks. "Not a word," hissed Tony.

"That's an order," added a furious Steve.

The Third Time:

"Give it to me," demanded Tony.

Steve scowled. "No," he said, lifting his hand higher. The coffee splashed precariously. "Not until you rest. Go to sleep Tony. What part of 'sleep' do you not get?"

Natasha smirked. "Just give it up, Cap. He's as stubborn as a mule."

Thor furrowed his brows. "Friend Anthony," he began. "I do not get what you must have against sleep. Is it not soothing? Does it not regenerate your body?"

"Not to me, Point Break," panted Tony as he tried jumping to get the coffee. "Coffee regenerates me, bud."

Bruce stepped into the kitchen, saw what was going on, and called Clint over. Up in the vents, he muttered, "Shit. Banner, there better be something good for you to have woken me up."

Bruce smiled slightly. "Oh, there is." Clint looked around balefully until he caught sight of Tony jumping for his mug of coffee. He burst out laughing and hopped out, landing gracefully on his legs.

"Must suck to be the shortest guy in the team, huh Stark?" joked Clint.

Tony scowled. "Shut up." Jumping his highest yet, he reached for his coffee and bumped noses with Captain America, practically jumping on top of him.

"Argh," groaned Steve.

"Ow," muttered Tony. Before they realized it, Tony was on top of Steve, uncomfortably aware so.

For a moment, they locked eyes, and no one breathed.

And then, of course, the moment was ruined by the sound of Clint snapping a picture with his new camera and running out of the tower, screaming, "FURY! YOU GOTTA LOOK AT THIS!"

The Fourth Time:

"A play? A fucking play?" Tony hissed.

Thor puffed his chest. "Aye, my friends. 'Tis my good friend, Lady Sif, who has written this work of art. She wishes for us to be in it."

Clint groaned. "We don't get a say in this?"

Thor shook his head. "Nay, my friends. Lady Sif wishes to see us in such masterpieces, for you are my comrades in battle. We help restore peace in Midgard, and she shall be honored that you have agreed to such a wish as hers."

Tony read over the script, eyes bulging. "She wrote a gay play? Damn. And here I was shipping Clintasha."

Clint flipped him the bird and asked, "Who's who then?"

Thor reached over to pass around a bag. "Great," groaned Clint. "Drawing lots."

Steve shrugged. "It's not so bad."

Banner looked at his. "I'm the dad, it seems."

"And I'm the wife who...sings in the shower?" Natasha looked horrified.

Clint laughed. "Shut it Hawkeye," growled Natasha.

Thor beamed. "I am the honorable priest!"

Clint glanced at his and sagged. "I'm a friggin' girl? Sasha...Timberlake. Who apparently likes dancing in Hawaii? In grass skirts?! AND COCONUT SHELLS?!" Clint looked ready to cry. Natasha looked like she won the lottery.

Thor nodded sagely. "Lady Sif has been studying Midgard culture and has decided that she has a bond with the place 'Hawaii'."

Tony leaned in. "I'm...wait. I'm Robert? The guy in the relationship? Crap. Crapcrapcrapcrapcrap."

Steve looked down. "I'm Chris. Who is currently in a relationship with...Robert." They stared at each other in horror.

Clint just sulked. "I'd rather do that than dance in a grass skirt."

Natasha smiled. "Mustn't forget the coconuts, Clint."

"Fuck you," Clint whimpered.

Steve just shook his head. "I'm supposed to lay on top of Tony? And kiss him senseless?"

It was Tony's turn to whimper. "I hate Sif."

When the day of the play came, no one spoke of it. Fury did use the photo of Rogers and Stark to reign Tony in when he got a little too wild during meetings.

The Fifth Time:

"Shhh…"

"Quietly, Thor. Do you know what 'quiet' means?"

"Forgive me, Miss Romanoff. I have neither the training nor the stealth that you and Friend Clinton possess."

"Dammit Thor, hush!"

"Friend Clinton, I will try to remain silent."

"Uh, guys? What are you-"

"SHHHHH!"

"Friend Bruce, we are to remain silent to capture this picture of our friends the captain and the Man of Iron."

"What the? Are they cuddling?"

"Yeah. No shut it, doc."

"...Steve, wake up."

"Tony?"

"Aaaaw Bruce! You woke them up!"

"Sorry?"

"Do not worry, Friend Bruce. Clinton is not so enraged."

"...we didn't do anything last night, did we?"

"I hope not."

"Yeah, let's get off each other now."

"Steve, your leg's stuck on my-"

"-oof! I think that was my kidney!"

"Sorry, I-"

"-oooow! Tony, just stop moving! I-"

"-okay, Steve, don't panic, just-"

Snap. Clint stood, grinning slightly with a camera in his hands.

"CLINT!"

+1

"I can't believe it's Tony's birthday," Bruce enthused.

Natasha tucked a stray curl over her ear and passed the tray to Clint. "Here. You surprise Stark with it."

Thor clapped his hands. "I am so excited for Friend Anthony!"

"Yeah, too bad Steve's not here," Clint sighed. The Avengers pushed open the door and-

"-OH MY GOD I'VE BEEN BLINDED!" screamed Clint as he dropped the tray and ran away, sobbing in horror.

Natasha Romanoff took one look and whirled around with a heel. "I can see where I'm not needed," she replied to the questioning looks of the remaining Avengers.

"Hey Tony, happy-AAAAAH!" Bruce ran out, shouting about the 'Hulk' and needing to be alone.

Thor stepped in. He was a seasoned warrior. He was sure he could handle anything. "Friend Anthony, I wish you a-OH! OH, MY EYES! BY VALHALLA! OH, SAVE ME ODIN!" Thor ran off as well.

"I think they should've knocked. They do know what a tie on a door means, right? Steve?"

"Oh Tony."

Author's Note: This is just a silly fanfic I wrote. Hope you guys liked it. Remember: reviews please! (btw, 'Robert' and 'Chris'. Get it? lol I'M JUST TOO MUCH I KNOW. Anyway, pleeeeaaase review.


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